Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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