It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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