I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
