HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize