Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
