I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
