my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
