btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
