is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
