got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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