I'm going to jail i love you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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