I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
