I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
