i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
