I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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