cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
