I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
