so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
