she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
