so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
