I want to stick my p in your. b.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize