he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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