my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm always down for nudity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
