Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
