i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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