weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We are all done wearing pants today
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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