Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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