You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
