Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
