oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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