The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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