video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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