GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
