Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
