Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ladies don't puke and tell
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
