he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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