Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
