I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize