They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize