So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
