Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize