I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
