dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Even my vagina gasped.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize