i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
