Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
