I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Randomize
