i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
