I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
