dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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