Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
