I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
