my mouth tastes like poor choices
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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