sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
