p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
