Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
