What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize