At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
