Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
