i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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