Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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