I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
