so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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