Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
