So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
