I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize