Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
