you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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