I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
