My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
