So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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