who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
