I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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