i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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