making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Im part way to drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
