it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
