i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
how drunk are you?
Several
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
