is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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