is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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