i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
