Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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