My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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