You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
