There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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