he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
