I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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