I could make wine with my vomit
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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