Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your cock deserves a montage
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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