I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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