Soap is not a condiment
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
