No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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