fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
