i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
