You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
