if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i will never coherently bang her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
