When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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